A sadness within the Church

I was a bit sad today when I was representing Gonzaga at a Catholic High School college fair. There was a lot of bitterness flying around and it made me very sad. Comments about how some can’t wait for my Archbishop to retire, and worse, apparently some priests even are voicing their excitement to their flocks at that prospect. People were also doing the “orthodoxy = my aesthetic preferences” thing. And people were totally ignoring me when I said that although a good chunk of the faculty at Gonzaga are still trying to cling to antiquated ideas begotten by misunderstanding of the last century’s reforms, there is a very strong and vibrant Catholic culture within a portion of the student body.
It irritated and saddened me. I know I myself am in no way perfect in this regard, I am keenly aware that I often do speak against or mock or judge unfairly those who are within the bounds of orthodoxy, but have preferences or expressions of the faith that are less traditional (like charismatics for example). But I am really trying to work on that and very much want to find that happy middle of being able to note that I do not aesthetically or intellectually or even spiritually like a particular expression but am willing to accept its orthodoxy, but remain very able and willing and passionate about doing my part to promote orthodoxy in the Church. The venom and bitterness hurt us as a body, as THE Body. Unity is worth any cost but truth.

The final attack of the Moron Roomate

SO I had this terrible roomate most of freshman year, and one of the things he did was ruin the power cord on my laptop. Ever since, I have replaced the power cord several times, but it turns out he had broken the power receptacle too. So my replacement power cords were breaking because the current density in the receptacle was so high that the plug head would melt. Also, there were parts in the receptacle that were loose.
So yesterday my laptop gave up the ghost. I plugged in the power cord and the little central pin in the receptacle broke off and fell inside the case of the computer. I have previously disassembled the whole computer and fixed things, but this is probably unrepairable and has been a slow downhill spiral. Oh well, it's just stuff.
But still, Dang it.
Luckily I have some rainy day money to replace the thing (courtesy of the KOC). but DANG IT! That is NOT what I wanted to spend that money on!

Good news for me

A little birdie told me that there is a chance that my Archbishop may request upon his 75th birthday not to retire. For those not in the know, Catholic bishops are required to submit an offer of resigtnation/retirement to the Pope upon their 75th birthday, but may in that letter express interest in staying. Well, it looks like Archbishop Brunett is considering asking to stay. Why is this a good thing you ask? Because if he was going to retire I would be in limbo as to which seminary I would go for my graduate work, as he ultimatly makes the decision and so no bishop=no or at least a very tumultuous aura around that decision as it would be when he is either phasing out or the new bishop just took over (and he may have VERY different ideas where to send us). BUT IF he does not retire, that problem is not an issue. So I hope he does stay with us.

A Byzantine funeral

So I went to the funeral of a seminarian's mother last Friday. She was an amazing woman and you can a huge reason why here http://prepareforthekingdom.blogspot.com/, when she discovered she had terminal cancer, she devoted her life from then on to putting her affairs (and soul) perfectly in order. You really should read some of her posts, they are beautiful. Her family really ought to publish the blog in book form.
In the course of her preparation for death, she spent a lot of time at a byzantine monastery writing Icons, and developed a great love for the Byzantine rite of the Church. So she requested her funeral be Byzantine.

I dare not describe it beyond this, they call their mass the divine liturgy and that name fails to describe the beauty and splendor of the ritual.

Kind of a weird thing though, since we are seminarians, Damas Iverson and I were pressed into service to SERVE the funeral. We are Latin-rite Catholics, and the Divine Liturgy is VERY complex so that was kind of awkward. (plus we were tired from driving since 5am to get up there to Anacortes on time).


On a totally unrelated note, I think I am going to hold off on the making a cassock thing. Partially because I am low on money, and second because The formal mass where I was asked to vest in Cassock and Surplice instead of my Alb (my sister's wedding) was canceled (she is still getting married but they aren't doing a mass, they are doing the short form because of how many non-catholics will be there)

Quo Vadis

I really enjoyed this year's Quo Vadis Days, as expected. It is kind of neat being there as a seminarian because we are somewhat outside the regular retreat structure. We are called upon to help the priests with stuff throughout the retreat, and because that takes time, we can float in and out of the talks and visit with each other pretty freely. But its not like I was skipping the talks, they were very good talks, It is just that since the seminarians are tasked to do things together we have the opportunity for fellowship, which is good because we will be working together for the rest of our lives.

quis sum

My apologies to the romans for the bad Latin.

I was talking with my Father and Grandfather at dinner tonight about how fast our world is and how given that we still only have puny human brains, we are thinking fast but not very deep. Which somehow made me think about how Priests need to be men of balance. In the world but not of the world, as it might be put in a more eloquent fashion. They (hopefully someday, We) need to be living in the world and not hiding from it, which means dealing with the information overload, but at the same time they must be calm and reflective men. After all, they represent and indeed are (sacramental realities are weird that way) to the world the personal presence who was in the world, but could not be contained by it but overcame it. The priest must simultaneously cling to the anchor of peace and fulfillment of man's desiring (pure beauty, truth, love, etc) that is our Lord, and truly BE that anchor of peace for those in the world.

I love what I do now, and I am both frightened and exited about where I am going.

Wow

I haven't posted in a while.

Not much has been happening the past month, I have been working at Holy Redeemer Parish doing some administrative stuff and helping with funerals. Not a half bad job.

I have also been driving to Seattle and back a few times. I went for a seminarian meeting and dinner, then this last weekend for the ordinations (fantastic as always) and Fr Strazisich's first mass (Far more elaborate than I would have done, or will do when my first mass comes, but beautiful nonetheless). I also got a chance to visit with my friend Suzzanne, which was nice. Now I am back in the 'Couve for a while.

Overall though, I am very bored. I keep missing my friends in Vancouver, our schedules aren't lining up or they forget to call me when stuff is happening, either way I have not yet seen any of them (with the exception of running into Phil at Walmart). I am hoping that we can get in touch soon, after they finish finals and such.

In other news, I am considering making a Cassock for myself. For those not in the know, a cassock is the long black robe with buttons all the way down that you see priests in sometimes. I have more limited use for one (not wearing it as a daily garment) but I could use one nonetheless. BUT Professionally made ones are so freaking expensive and are even more expensive when you have to get a custom size (fat men are not usually tall, and tall men are not usually fat, I however am 6' tall AND have a 50L coat size), and most are out of cheap material. I think I am making mine out of wool gabardine (suit fabric, a gabardine cassock BTW is probably the most expensive at $350+ tailor made. If I make it myself it would be ~$50 fabric, $12 pattern, $15-$20 buttons and thread, for a grand total under $100) I don't know how hard it will be, I am not creating it from scratch like I did the alb, I am using a pattern this time (though I will need to expand the pattern size a tad, its max chest size is 48 my chest is somewhere between 48-50 and I want a loose-ish fit which might mean 52). So it will be easier in some ways but harder in others. I sometimes worry that making my own vestments may come off as sorta effeminate and I can't think of any more awkward a situation than people thinking I am gay, however I am saving a lot of money this way. Plus tailoring is an old and very male profession.

Irritation!

Why is it that THE ONLY NIGHT in the last two weeks I went to bed early, was the night my buddies call and want to hang out. More than frustrating, I assure you.

I am happy

And very much so, deeply and genuinely.

In case anyone cares about patristics

I think my academic project for the summer (the one Fr Mitchell requested me to do in addition to my parochial duties), will be writing a presentation or two about the apostolic fathers. This is simply because Apostolic fathers rock your socks!

the AF's for those who dont know, are very early christian writers. They were contemporaries, students, or grand-students of the Apostles (That is the 12 disciples of Christ). In fact a few of their works were just barely excluded from the New Testament! They are especially cool because given the "review what we were taught" style and since they were students or grand-students of the Apostles, they represent an understanding of Christian teachings that is reliable and reflective of how the Apostles set up the Christian communities in various places.

Hot stuff

So I am working at my home parish this summer

And I am loving it! Even the more mundane parts of the job, like filing paper work, it is something that needs to be learned. Also I am doing some of the non-sacramental house calls, which is really rewarding. And, since all that really doens't take all day I will be studying and writing a talk or two (probably about the apostolic fathers, but I havent decided yet) with the hope of giving a public presentation. Pretty cool beans.

Heading out West again

Wow, its been a while since io have posted. I might go bac and mack some back posts for posterity, I dunno.

The point is that I am coming home to Vancouver tomorrow at about noon. I am pretty exited to see what the summer holds in store. I hope to help out in my parish (being a seminarian and all), and teach myself a little Spanish. Anyway, if anyone wants to do anything anytime, just hit me up.

Ressurexit Sucut Dixit, Alleluia!

'Nuff said

Triduum

I really like the Triduum, It really makes Easter mean somthing. I went to the Chrism mass at the Cathedral Thursday morning. I had never been to one before, powerful ceremony with the oils and the renewal of the priests' promises. Holy Thursday evening mass at St Charles went swimmingly, so that was great. Good Friday at the seminary was good too. We are observing the Paschal fast so little or no eating from after Holy Thursday mass to after the Easter Vigil. At St Charles, the Good Friday service was beautiful. Really Good friday service (it isnt a Mass) is doubtless my favorite ceremony of the Church year. Solemn, simple, and very powerful. I sometimes get a little down on Good Friday because i dont feel as emotional as i think i should when I remember the passion. There are thoughts that move me, but overall I just dont ever have profound sorrow or whatever one is "supposed to feel," I feel what I feel and it is strong and it is grateful and adoring, just not very affective.
Tonight is the Easter Vigil which will be rockin' as well, I just know it.

In other news, I cant find my keys. I know they are somewhere in the Seminary because I helped Tyler strip the sanctuary of the chapel on thursday night and I went into the Sacristy first, which requires a key. I am just baffled.

ANGER

So our house night speaker cancelled on us and so the rector decided to have us go as a house to a lecture on campus about "christian sexual morality" part of the Catholicism for the Thrid Millenium lecture series hosted by the religious studies department. That lecture series is well known for bringing in speakers who oppose the Church on issues that are long settled. There is always room to discuss and debate about unclear points or issues that have never been considered, but when roma locuta est, causa finita est. And it is a bit of a shame that the professors back the dissenters. There are SO MANY open points of thought to discuss, and they always want to beat a dead horse!
Additionally, the speaker and the son of the woman who left the endowment that funds these speakers invited Fr to dinner beforehand (so we had our hous enight dinner without him).
So, we get to the lecture hall and it is packed (Religious Studies profs were giving mucho extra credit for attending, asking questions, applauding, etc). Anyway the rector said he was a little uncomfortable at dinner for various reasons and so we were all kind of worried about what this talk would be like (at that point we were unaware that the lecture was par of that infamous lecture series). Though we did spot trouble when right as we walked into the auditorium there was a GIANT Call to Action Poster and a table with some petitions, brochures, etc.
The lecture was intolerable. The speaker's arguement centered around "I have a really good and valid arguement, but you guys would undertstand it. So instead I will just tell you my conclusions and you should belive me because I am smarter than you." She started by saying that we get our sexual ethics from 4 sources: Scripture, Sacred Tradition, Science, and "lived experience and common desires." She then proceded to throw out the Bible because it was vauge, Tradition because it is antiquated and was more based on stoicism than scripture, Science because it wouldn't give her the answers she wanted (seriously), leaving only "lived experience."
She came up with seven points that should guide Christian sexual ethics, and to her credit they were good principles. To her detriment, the principles worked bacuse they were so vauge. We were discussing later back at the seminary that nothing about her ethics would forbid incest or polygamy and presumably other things. In fact, there was a point where she overtly slammed marraige, promoted remarraige after divorce, prmoted fornication, and sort of insinuated a slight against celibacy. So the whole house was very irritated, but we didnt walk out or anytyhing because we did not want to embarass the rector who was just sitting on the aisle just as mad as we were.
I am all for open discussion of social issues, and I am OK with people who have differing opinions, and I think a reasonable person should listen to differing opinions (and then make a judgement, you can't float in abivalence). But what I cant stand it people in open defiance of truth billing themselves as Catholic, standing up and speaking to a bunch of impressionable students who in goodwill thought they were going to learn about how the Church can apply Her teachings in the modern world, and being handed a cup of sweet smelling poison instead.

Can I Say This

So an ecclesiastic I know is visiting the house this week and I am very interested in several things that he might know and also just that he is interesting to talk to, and so I have simply been talking to him like normal. No big deal, it is what I always do. But there are cetain things that are running through my head here that werent last year when I wasn't a seminarian. But I somewhat suspect that I did not put them there.
My issue is manifold. I am somewhat opposed to the "lobbying" style of treating guests, pushing for face time and such I just feel it is a bit transparent, and sort of rude. Yes it is fun to say hello to important folks just to say that you have met them, but poltiticking and networking seems so fake. Besides, I dont feel the need to do all that stuff, especially to this person.

Also, and this is more annoying to me, is people who are telling me to shut up or not say some things even near this man. I am not without prudence, I know there are some sensitive, undignified, or inappropriate topics to breach or opinions to solicit around this person. But they are the same issues inappropriate to breach around pretty much anyone. And again I don't like it when people lobby, I am not trying to give my 2 cents or anything. All the stuff that flies around here in a half-joking manner about supressing opinions really anger me. I know some of the brothers mean well, but man does it boil my blood.

I dont need someone to censor me, I know how to regulate my thoughts well enough! Besides, I should not be afraid or guarded about who I am or what I think! I am a college seminarian for heavens sake, OF COURSE THERE IS ROOM AND TIME FOR GROWTH AND REFINEMENT OF MY OPINIONS!! And I am fully aware when I am speaking as Brian Thompson and when I am speaking as a College Seminarian from Seattle, thank you very much.

I am just fundamentally opposed to having one personality around the brothers and another for the public and another the Church officials. Yes there are differences in decorum or setting that might alter my behavior, but those are not based on present company and they do not involve supression or alteration of my personality or ideas. This visit is just another highlight of that.

Long Run Semi-quandry

I am pondering and getting really exited about my future as a cleric even though that is like 6 or 7 years off. One thing I am sorta thinking about is if i want to or if my discese would even let me pursue a more advanced degree while I am in theology. For a while now I have wanted to get some sort of specialization, and I just last weekend learned that many theologates (last 4-5 years of seminary) do the priest-craft classes and formation on the weekends or evenings or otherwise off the transcript, which means every or nearly every class you take is (purely) academic. This allows one to be able to finish the STB or MDiv degree (depending on what degree the school offers) a little quicker or do another topic of study concurrently, which opens up the possibility of doing some specialized study. So I am sort of contemplating that. I am especially interested in liturgy and canon law.

Of course this all depends on where my Dioscese ends up sending me and since Theology is like 2.5 years away, it is not even worth inquiring where they are leaning as they probably have not even thought about that yet. But even as far out as I am, I do have a few concerns both internal and etxernal.
Internally I am a little worried that I am being vain as I recognize that I value my intelligence (I am no genius mind you, but I am surely not stupid) and pride can be fatal, no? I am not generally a very proud person, but i guess the best way to put it is I liek to know stuff for its own sake, and with the priesthood I need to see it as knowing things for the sake of using it to serve the people of God. This I need to bring up in formation at my seminary, Fr Jose will punch right through this and we will fix it. I belive stringly that by the time I am being interveiwed for theology I will have solved this concern, so it snot a concern for later it is a concern for now as I am planning all this.
A second concern is external, I worry that if I become an expert in somthing (this is particularly true of canon law) in light of how large my dioscese is, I might end up doing that full time and end up, for example, reading anullment requests all day and not be able to be a priest in terms of active service (then again, those anullments need to be read, and that is a huge service albeit not a flashy one...).
A third concern is that my motives might be misread, I may be desiring advanced study right now out of pride, but I do not desire and God willing will never desire it out of ambition; let others vie to be chancery officials, I want to be a priest who gets to have direct ministry in soem way but also be a resource for the Dioscese. I am a little worried that if I come out and ask about it, the dioscese might get the wrong idea about why I am asking. My dioscese is very kind to me and the Vocation Director and Auxilliary Bishops know I am not a sycophant, but being that we have so many seminarians, they simply dont have enough time to examine for purity the motives of a College II Seminarian.
Then again this all might be moot, I might end up going to a Theolgate that you only have time to get an STB, period. And again, it is 2.5 years out. But if anyone has advice, it would be nice.

Retreat!

Last weekend Bishop White Seminary did its annual retreat. we were led by Bishop Michael Warfel of Juneau Ak. It was a lot of fun, he discussed habits of a successful priest and proposed a spirituality and charisms that would serve a diocesan priest well. Also, it was great because we all had 2 days to just kick around and talk and bond and stuff. Saturday night we sang for like 2 hours, it was fantastic.

Duh

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian. Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins. Christianity 88% Islam 46% Judaism 42% Buddhism 33% Paganism 29% Hinduism 17% Satanism 13% agnosticism 8% atheism 0% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

Father, forgive us

Not just for the children we butcher, not just for the sick and elderly we kill, not just for the poor we don't help, not just for the opressed we failed to defend, not just for the hungry we dont feed, or the naked we dont clothe, or the lonely we ignore.
Most of all that we ever got to this poin:. Lord have mercy.

This day dont commemorate a tragedy, yes. But it is also a symbol and a warning, what we mourn this day is just about the lowest deed I could fathom, a stark and shameful capstone in this house of decay we have built. Today is not just about abortion, it is about the whole culture of death.

Kyrie Eleison

Warm Fuzzy Feeling

Well, all I can say is that it is good to be back! I love my family and being at home, but it was also a great joy to get back to the seminary. The brotherhood, the absoulte clrity of purpose, the good natured kidding, the focus. I love it.

Nevermind

My phone does work. It dried out and I thought the SIM card was dead because I could do everything but call. If i tried to call Verizon would pick up and give me an error message saying I cant dial that number. Apparently they thought we didn't pay for January. Dad fixed the problem and now my phone works again. HUZZAH! I saved myself like $200 at least! I mean, I reserve $1000 in my bank account for emergencies but I'd rather not break into the emergency fund.

My Superpower

Ruthlessly ripped from Suzzane's still beating blog

Time Control You're powers are 86% Mental, 77% Emotional, and 69% Physical!

You've got the terribly dangerous power of time control. Why so dangerous? Time is a delicate thing. For the most part, you can duplicate many other powers, such as super speed, super reflexes, etc. But, you can also jump time, going back into the past a little bit or forward to the future a little bit. Messing with time this way can be dangerous. Make sure you don't do anything to break the present. If you want someone more submissive, try any of these for sidekicks: Elasticity, your knowledge of stretching time may give them insight to their own powers Super Speed, your ability to keep up with their fast ways will help them learn. Telepathy, your control of time will expand their concept of the speed of though. If you want someone your equal, try any of these for partners: Laser Eyes, their precise control and offensive abilities go well with your control of time and defensive abilities. Size Control, what goes better together than time and space? If you want someone more dominant, try any of these for mentors: Invisibility, their ability to go undetected might teach you how to slip by others using time. Gravity Control, their ability to control gravity, itself able to affect time, would teach you well. Avoid Absorption, their take and give additude has nothing in common with your powers.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Mental You scored higher than 99% on Emotional You scored higher than 99% on Physical

Link: The Latent Super Power Test written by Quixotico on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Annoyance

I fell in a puddle in Bellingham and my phone broke. I got it in November so nowhere near an upgrade here! Arg!

Prepare

Well, My day is gonna be hectic tomorrow...
Morning we have Sunday mass for 4th Sunday of Advent, then preparing for dinner and visiting with the sibs (if they bother coming), then 430p I have to be at Holy Redeemer for the evening mass at which I am serving, then we go home and do presents, then at 11p I have to be back at HR for the midnight Mass.

Spring Textbooks

So, I just love being a philosophy major at Gonzaga!
my grand total for spring semester books is $91.67, and one class has 4 books!
Pretty dang cool.

Bellingham

So two things:

1. Thank God for friends. First it was great to see everyone again, indescribable happiness. And second I just felt so welcome and loved. It was the small things, the ease around me so I felt at home, the casual offerings of food (a semi-scarce commodity for college students), and the extra blanket that was laid on top of me when I was half asleep for fear I would be too cold. Thank you all.

2. Mel's ordination was awesome! so beautiful! Though I didnt know my cues very well as to when I was supposed to take the Miters and Crosier (ArchB Brunett and Bsp Tyson celebrated the mass) so it was awkward on occasion, and then I lost Bsp Tyson's Miter about halfway through the mass but a deacon apparently had it, and he did get it back the next time he needed it so it was all good. But woah! ordinations always moving, plus as a seminarian at an event about one of my brothers and attended by many of my brothers, I had a real strong sense of... well Brotherhood!

Wierd

I have been meaning to say this for a while. It is kind of wierd personally interacting with public people.
For example I read the news online and it talks about Bsp Skylstad saying this or doing that, and then I go to lunch and Bishop Skystad is sitting accross from me and chatting with everyone. It is actually pretty cool but sometimes it is kind of awkward since the poor man being the Bishop of a bankrupt dioscese and the president of the USCCB really gets beat on a lot by both the secular press and the various and sundry extreme viewpoints in the Catholic world. I will read something unflattering and feel like it doesn't make sense because I know him and that isnt him(not well, but he does come by for lunch every other week and pops by the house regularly otherwise).
anyway, there you go.

Learing to drive, and a discussion of beautiful women

So my dear Diocesan Brother and I, as usual, had dinner with the pastor of a local parish after mass Saturday evening. Well, the seminary rector arrived and ate with us which was cool, and then he left and the night went on. By the end, my DB had imbibed a fairly decent amount, meaning he was NOT drunk or even disoriented at all but defiantly to where he should not have been driving. So, DB does the responsible thing when we were ready to leave at about 11pm and hands me the keys. One problem, the car is a stick…

So after stalling and sputtering around the parking lot for 10 minutes, we get on the road. He is shifting for me as I drive and telling me what to do. We get down to a big arterial and stop next to a cop car. The light turns and I can’t get back into 1^st. The cop pulls back and talks to us. We explain that I am learning how to drive a stick (we decided not to say DB was not safe to drive), and she tells us to get off the arterial to do that. Anyway so we get back to the seminary and park alongside the road so I don’t have to navigate the parking in the alley. So we park and discover that the Emergency brake had been engaged the entire time. So perhaps that is why it was so had to get going in first once the clutch caught…

On a second note, DB’s friend stopped by after dinner but before we went home. She is such a wonderful person and just lights up the room, and not bad too look at either. After she left, DB and I, acknowledged the fact that she would be the exact type any man would be a fool to pass up a relationship with, but that we recognized that “any man” was not us and as celibates were okay with feeling that way and did not see it as a temptation or danger. Then we discussed how it is a rare understanding of our commitment indeed that acknowledges that we can and must love everyone but belong to nobody. Or more poetically, to have a heart on fire with charity and still a heart of bronze for chastity. We thank God for such beauty and then move on. You recognize very clearly that they are not meant for you (this is not a new realization, you have no idea of how many female friends I or any seminarian I suppose has looked at this way). One of the requirements of living this life I guess is that you have to be a healthy and fully functioning man. We must behave as if we were engaged and later as if we were married (which in some sense we are and will be).

But something that struck me about DB’s friend as well as an older female professor (though still very recognizable as the same type of beautiful intelligent personable and faithful woman that was the joy of her husband’s life) that ate lunch with us at the seminary a few days back. They both had just stunningly beautiful voices. You could listen to them talk forever and just sit there thanking God for giving them the gift of speech.

Unitarians

David (one of the brothers) and I went to a Unitarian Universalist Church this morning to talk about what it means to be Catholic. The UU Youth group apparently had gone to a mass last week and then called us up to answer their questions and present our faith for the kiddies. It was a really great experience and those kids had some very good questions! It also gave me a really good feeling, reminded me of what I belive and how it affects me in my life. Giving an account of your faithis just so rewarding. If the UU's ever do that again, I would run out there to give another presentation.

More Discernment

I was having a thought recently about my discernment. When and if I on occasion have a general spiritual dryness or sin, it probably has very little bearing on my discernment of priesthood. I say that because ALL christians are called to spiritual intimacy with God, not just the clergy. However, developing spiritual maturity is key to being able to discern at all I suppose, because if you dont know what you are listening for you are unlikley to be able to hear it within the din of the world, no?

Attn: Vancouver people

If anyone is driving home to Vancouver from Spokane or Cheney for Thanksgiving (or christmas kater on), I will pay you hansomely to let me ride along. Please contact me soon.

Sweet Tender Irony

I am a very healthy guy, I have a constitution that even the ACLU cannot destroy. So, of course I get sick with a head cold the day before the Seminary 50th anniversary open house that we have to host!

Bishop's Visit

One of the auxilliary bishops of my archdioscese came today to visit my seminary. We had a great time. I cannot stress how exited I get whenever Bishop Elizondo comes around somewhere I am. He is just incredebly holy and deeply totally madly in love. It is rather inspiring.
He was visiting us with Rich the vocation director and 2 prospective seminarians (one of which ill be joining us in January and the other might too!)

We had a nice lunch in downtown, gave the bishop a tour of the campus, visted all the chapels on the campus, the bishop met with all of the Seattle guys at the seminary, he said a mass for the seminary (with his usual passion and joy), and he had dinner with us, then flew home.

During the walk around campus we ran into Father Spitzer, who is the university president and a very well known academic. We introduced Bishop Elizondo to Father Spitzer. Bishop Elizondo seemed pleased to meet Father, and Fr Spitzer insisted that he was honored that the bishop was visiting. I was just amazed by Fr Spitzer's humility and reverence to the bishop.

I love this life, I am continually amazed, edfied, and inspired by the actions of the wonderful and holy clergy and laity that I come into contact with. And I hungermuch to be like the latter now and the former later.

Wow, what a time!

First Frost

I looked out the window this morning and where there should have been the sweet glistening dew of the morn, there was frost o'er the land. It has all but melted now but it speaks to how utterly cold it is becoming in these times and in this place.

11 hour day

So I went and saw Fearless on saturday night with some of the brothers, and got to bed around 2 AM. but also Friday night I had a bit of insomnia, so I was very tired. SO Sunday woke up at 1230 PM, and I went to bed at 1130 PM. So Sunday was a nice 11 hour day for me

why

Why is it that the closer you get to doing what you ought, the harder it becomes?
I know the answer, at least in my situation. Some of you know exactly what I mean. I have such clarity, I am so incredibly sure of what I am doing, but dozens of things keep nipping at me.

This is only worsened by a desire to bear this all to someone, not just the above but some other things as well. But due to some specific issues here I cannot use one of the brothers, and I do not feel comfortable with the staff yet for somthing like this, and I would ask a certain person but part of my problem is whether or not it is safe to approach a person like him. Family is right out as well, but for other reasons.

This is the sort of thing you would bring to a friend, and it is not like I am alone in the world but its just I have always been the rock. I am the one who gives advice and comforts and that sort of thing, how can I bring this to a friend without saying "I am just as lost as you are"? Perhaps I need to stop worrying over this and be willing to have my feet washed.

Pray for me.

Introspection

I have a friend, doesn’t matter who and it is not who some might think even if they have been privy to my inner self, whom I love (Philia if not Agape) dearly. But this is not abnormal since this is how I try to feel towards all my friends, or try to, but recently I have been feeling intermittent physical attraction whre there had been none before. Of course I am obviously not on the market nor do I really want to be. And this is what confuses me.
At first when the following happened I was confused why God would do this to me just as I entered the seminary, especially since they weren’t even very strong desires that would even come close to challenging my commitment, but after some deep introspection, a lot of prayer, a sleepless night, and a moving experience. I have realized that, unfortunately I was guilty of wanting to use the person, not love them more deeply. Not that I desired anything sinful of course, more emotional confidence or tame and licit physical contact, i.e. I need a hug . I feel kind of bad because I care for this person and am a little ashamed I even thought of using her. But this experience has revealed to me something I had not thought of: I have been thinking lately about my desire to serve. See, I have always tried to live up to the policy that I would move heaven and earth for those I love. But as a servant so far I feel very impotent, as I have had very little opportunity to help people. But perhaps it is analogous to what my auxiliary bishop said to a discernment group I was in once, “it is not the huge acts of obedience that are hard, because you are very aware if not proud of yourself for ‘so meekly’ accepting the command. It is the little acts of obedience that really test your commitment.”
Perhaps the test of my love for my fellow man and my desire to serve him is NOT necessarily in those grand acts of service and love I want to do, but in little silent acts of love. Perhaps that is my challenge, to live with the fact that I am not always going to have an opportunity to save someone from a terrible plight or have sleepless nights talking someone through a problem or even just being with them, perhaps I need to content myself with other acts of love, small and invisible kindnesses meant with all my heart.

Lost

So Gonzaga was observing labor day today (we had class on real labor day) and so I woke up, sang the morning prayer alone in the seminary chapel, ate breakfast, went to mass at St Aloysius' Church (the big chuch on the Gonzaga campus), cleaned my room, and then decided to take what I thought would be a liesurely bike ride around 1015am...

I decided since it was only 6 or so miles away, I would go to Whitworth college and back (figuring a college is a good landmark). Now I knew it was sorta due north but not quite clear on specifics. I figured "colleges are big, I will notice it." So, I got to a point where Division (a main drag of Spokane) makes a sort of Y into Division and another road, I took the wrong turn (I later discovered that if i had only kept going strait, i would have gotten to the college rather quickly). I ended up way out in the middle of nowhere past the industrial areas. Not good. So I decide to go south-ish to try to return to my lovely comfy seminary, 30 minutes later I see some missionaries of charity (Mother Theresa's order, they have a community in spokane) and they told me how to get back to the seminary, smiling at the humor of a lost and disoriented pre-professional papist. My detour added several miles onto my trip. (i.e. my mom's house is 6 miles from my dad's, that ride takes 30-45 minutes, this ride took me 2.25 hours)

So I get back around 1230pm, covered in sweat and dehydrated and groggy, I apologize to Shelly the cook that I am late for lunch and then hobble through the dining room, telling my brothers and the priests who came for lunch that I got lost and I would change my shirt and come back and eat.

It is 845pm now, and my legs still hurt.

General confession

WOW!
I did a general confession yesterday. (that is, going to confession and telling everything i could remember ever having done wrong, not just the stuff since last time. Most notably I confessed to things I was not sure i had ever confessed or things I had only said with a euphamism or general category.) It was sweet! I felt so happy! I am 100% baggage free. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

On another note, Fr Robert Spitzer (Gonzaga President and notable philosopher) as well as the Bishop of spokane William Skylstad(sp?) cam and said mass for us at the seminary last night, had dinner with us, and then His Excellence gave a talk on attitudes and behaviors needed to be good priests.

On a sad note,Sean and Nate, two of the brothers, are leaving the semianry. I wish them the best and hope that one or both of them return someday because they strike me as truly being called. But what do I know?

A slight clarification that angers me

A lot of misguided people are innacurately portraying the moral stance of many people who share my political and moral beliefs, especially all faithful Catholicd, and myself. The topic? Stem cell research!

We are against EMBRYONIC stem cell research, specifically that method which kills the embryo in the process (though the new process that doesnt kill them is problematic because that embryo is more likely than not just going to be used multiple times and THEN killed). Yes, if we did not kill these embryos they would likely be eventually killed anyway, which is also an outrage but doesnt make doing somthing right. It would be like saying "cancer patients are going to die anyway, so let's just kill them and harvest their organs before the cancer ruins the organs" or that "it is okay to kill a neighbor because your son needs a heart transplant."

What we are 100% for is STEM CELL RESEARCH using morally harvested cells. Cord blood, placental tissue, bone marrow, and many many other places on a adult or child that won't kill them or really have any permanent negative effect.

Though eventually someone will cure somthing with embryonic cells, so far the score is Adult: 72 Embryonic: 0 (
http://www.stemcellresearch.org/facts/asc-refs.pdf)

We are not radicals, we are not evil, we are not hanging desparatly to antiquated mores. What we are is trying our best consistant and objective in our judgements, and attempting to avoid relitavism, proportionalism, and utilitarianism.

Bishop White

I went to school today. I am at Bishop White Seminary at Gonzaga University in Spokane.
I have a very large nice room on the top floor, and Just got moved In. We are going to go over and serve mass at Saint Aloysius Church (at the center of Campus) right now. More later, including pics.

Random Religious Confession

Though it is cool to be around them because they have so much authority and power of both the temporal and spiritual order. Plus, the bishops I have met are very interesting and personable. After the spiritual benefit of course, I dont enjoy pontifial liturgies just for the spetacle and solemnity (though they are moving and, puns aide, religious experiences). Nor do I go to shake hands and exchange some words with princes of the church (though that is SO COOL if you get the chance).

Rather, The part I like most about pontifical liturgies (for those of you who are not catholic, this means a public "scripted" prayer led by a bishop--ie. the guy with the 2 lobed "ace of spades" shaped hat and the elaborate shepard's crook) is the blessing said at the end, the pontifical blessing:
Bishop: Blessed be the name of God
People: Now and forever
Bishop: Our help is in the name of the Lord
People: Who made Heaven and Earth

Extra points is the people remember the words, more points if the blessing and response are sung/chanted, MONDO points of the bishop does not have to guide the pitch of the chant with his hand.

Ach, mein Kopf!

So, thinking that a party hosted by a mormon would be calm but fun, I went to Deason's going away party... It was fun until about 1130p, when Teron Killgore and I were bouncing on the trampoline in the dark, and I launched him too high. He came down with his elbow on my skull, and I hit the canvas, got up and started bouncing some more until I realized I was bleeding profusely from the head. So people help me, Deason's mom flips out, my mom gets called and I go to the ER. They check me in and I wait, the nurse gives me a Tetnus Shot (just in case Kilgore has iron elbows I guess) and a anesthetic-drenched cotton ball to press on the wound (to numb it) then the doc comes in, staples My head 4 times (the anestetic didnt work, it hurts to have your head stapled BTW) and sends me off.
Wow, what an exciting night!

2 weeks

...Until I head off to Spokane. Hit me up if you want to do somthing. Your time is swiftly running out.

Random thought

I just looked out the window and saw that despite the fact that it is 11p, it is still light outside b/c of the street lamps. take it for what it is worth.

GU Schedule

My schedule for Gonzaga will be as follows:

Latin 101
Catholicism (focus on Africa) 220
Public Speaking 101
Post-reconstruction US History (they wouldn't take myAPUSH from 11th grade) 274
Philosophy (logic) 101

In addition to that, there will be the seminary activities:
Morning and evening prayer
Daily Mass
Frequent Confession
Spiritual Direction
House Activities
Volunteering

I am so exited! I move in August 26th.
I do hope though, that my UW and Clark and AP transfer well over to GU, because I dont want to be very far behind. Of course, I want the opportunity to reflectively and carefully discern my vocation, but I would rather spend as little time in college as possible.

Happy

I told My father I was becoming a Father (little pun, sorry). I was so worried for so long about him taking it badly or being disappointed in me, but he said he thinks it's cool! So I glad. I still need to talk to him and clarify the details, but right now I am just so glad he thinks it is cool.

The Wedding

Went to Molly and Yancey's wedding yesterday. It was beautiful (the bride and groom were stunning and real slick looking respectively, as well). They will be good together. I just hope that they fully understood what they were taking on, but I am pretty sure they did. Father Mitchell also worked into his homily an old exhortation that used to be read before the marriage rite of the nuptual mass before the vatican II reforms. I like this exhortation, I think it should be used more often and understood more clearly:

My dear friends: You are about to enter upon a union which is most sacred and most
serious. It is most sacred, because established by God himself. By it, he gave to man
a share in the greatest work of creation, the work of the continuation of the human
race. And in this way he sanctified human love and enabled man and woman to help
each other live as children of God, by sharing a common life under his fatherly care.
Because God himself is thus its author, marriage is of its very nature a holy
institution, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of
self. But Christ our Lord added to the holiness of marriage an even deeper meaning
and a higher beauty. He referred to the love of marriage to describe his own love for
his Church, that is, for the people of God whom he redeemed by his own blood. And
so he gave to Christians a new vision of what married life ought to be, a life of selfsacrificing
love like his own. It is for this reason that his apostle, St. Paul, clearly
states that marriage is now and for all time to be considered a great mystery,
intimately bound up with the supernatural union of Christ and the Church, which
union is also to be its pattern.
This union, then, is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a
relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly influence your whole
future, That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures,
its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You
know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your
own. And so not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for
worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.
Truly, then, these words are most serious. It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted
faith in each other, that recognizing their full import, you are, nevertheless, so willing
and ready to pronounce them. And because these words involve such solemn
obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the
great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life by the voluntary
and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and
wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you will belong entirely to
each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And
whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this mutual
life, always make them generously. Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only
love can make it easy, and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in
proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so
loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, and the Son so loved us that he
gave himself for our salvation. “Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay
down his life for his friends.”
No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and
true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts
today never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love
and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect
the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of
tears. The rest is in the hands of God.
Nor will God be wanting to your needs, he will pledge you the life-long support of his
graces in the Holy Sacrament which you are now going to receive.

See how great that little speech is? To read and understand that should be a requirement in the marriage prep classes.

On a side note, it was wierd because I saw them kneeling during the canon, looking up at Father Mitchell, and I tried to put myself in their shoes, but I could only imagine myself as Father. So... vocation hint #378.

Sigh

I am looking for a job for the summer, and it stinks.
I have no problem working, in fact I kind of like it. What I hate is seeking the jobs, so time consuming and fruitless. GRR!

QV Days

So, I just got back from Quo Vadis days.
This year was a tad different because, now that I am (even if only barely) a seminarian the things I picked up on were sorta different.

I learned:

• The extent to which the priest must sacrifice himself, that is the saying "the priest is not his own" is not romantic or symbolic, but litterally true
• How the priest and even seminarians have to somewhat decrease in their own opinions and biases and must take up instead the mind of the church
• That I am now, in some situations, a face of the Church and so must keep a guard on my behavior and mouth
• Reminded me of what I already was aware that all vocations involve sacrifice and so despite the grand nature of all this, I do not feel that in pursuing a vocation (which I may or may not have) I am better or anything (that would be a really stupid attitude to have as a servant...)
• lots more little things

In short, I came to the realization that if I am eventually ordained, it will cost me absoulutely everything, but also that I will pay it gladly because from where I stand, it is SO worth it.

Serran's dinner

Summer semiarian meeting was yesterday, followed by a dinner with the Serra Club (one of the benefactors of the seminarians). It was pretty neat, I got on pretty well with the folks at my table, and the Archbishop's speech was really REALLY good.

I didn't get home till 130a however, as the dinner was on Mercer Island. I almost fell asleep driving home. But I stopped and got an energy drink, and the chemicals plus Placebo Effect were able to get me home safely.

Ordinations

WOW
What a moving ceremony!
It was 3 Hours 8 Minutes long, and was an endless string of inspiration (litterally at some points).
I cant describe how awesome and beautiful it was.
There was the little issue of the overexited choir and the infamous "jungle sounds" song, but otherwise the music was really weel done as well.

The guys who go to the seminary I will be attending took me out to lunch afterwards, and made me feel really welcome which was cool.

Home

Im home for school.
So my plans:
Ordinations on the 10th
Seminarian Meeting on the 12th
Chill until the 16th and then head to Ca
Vacation 'till 24th
Quo Vadis 25-28
Work
Head off to Spokane

Flaws and Talents

Johari window: tell me what good traits I have http://kevan.org/johari?name=braindt

or better, what faults I have in the Nohari Window: http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Braindt

Waiting

Well, I turned in my History paper. Aside from drafting a room for my scenic design class, I have nothing to do until wednesday. Wednesday, I have drama final at 830 and history final at 1030.

This year has been good. Many highs and lows, and I will be somewhat sad to leave UW if/when Gonzaga accepts me. But I guess its like Bsp Eusebio told me, "you are blessed because you have true freedom. to choose what is wrong is an abuse of your freedom and will only make you a slave, but You are blessed becuase you have the opportunity to choose between somthing very good, or somthing better."

I am resolved to go to Gonzaga if they accept me. I am glad I know the benefits will be well worth the sacrifice. It had better be, I am giving up a very good job (even better than this year, better job, almost 2x hours and thus pay) as a trainer for the Huskies, a very friendly aid package, and a great bunch of people at Newman. Besides, even if I wanted to stay, I made a promise to go to the semianry in all possible (but still discerining and careful) haste if I felt that I was called.

This summer will be pretty fun I think. I've got semianrian stuff to do on the 10th and 12th, then the family vacation 16th-24th, then Quo Vadis (a camp put on for guys who are considering being priests) 25-28, and then I gotta work until the end of August. I am especially looking forward to seeing friends again.

Speaking of the 10th, I know a ot of you guys aren't fithy papists like me, but the ordination of priests in a cathedral (esp the seattle cathedral which is an impressing building) is one of the most awe-inspiring events in the Church. If any of you guys want to go just for the spectacle alone, contact me.

It started as a Semi-Rant but quickly became a full bore Rant

I went to a friend's birthday in Olympia this weekend, and par usual my vocation and discernment thereof came up as a topic of conversation. And someone asked me if Priests could do X or Y in light of their celibacy, becuase after all, they can't REALLY be expected to remain continent. I explained that everyone has to be chaste no matter who they are, so non-conjugal sexuality of any kind is out for everyone anyway. and that while technically the promise of celibacy technically is a promise not to enter into a marraige, given the universal requirement of chastity, that is what it amounts to (unless you are a married priest or deacon, then you must be faithful in your marraige and may not remarry if your spouse dies). I mean, no one of good will would egg on a married man and bug him with questions like "come on, dont you ever get bored of being faithful? Can't you cheat at least every once in a while?" If those in a concecrated or clerical state are living their promise in a healthy way, they are focusing their energies on loving everyone. I agknowledge that celibacy is not the norm, and that marraige is. I am not offended when people take interest in it because of its rarity, what gets me is when people see is as bizzare.

TANGENT ALERT
Now, I do not pretend this is easy, and I am still using the proverbial training wheels of celibacy. Not to be a martyr, but it even pains a bit sometimes because there are people I am attracted to, and who I could become involved with or at least would normally desire to but I have to recognize in those situations that I can't: If I am indeed called to priesthood, there can be no prior claim on my heart. And to top it all off: According to Bsp Tyson and Fr Nguyen, it doesn't get much easier.
But I digress...

I just dont get why sex is so glorified that people cannot fathom someone living without it, that and I am also very annoyed by the divorce of sex from conjugal love that is primarilly self-giving and not purely self-gratifying. Yes, I regognize it is a good thing, for my existance's sake I am glad it exists, but just because sex is a great good does not mean celibacy is by default bad! Also, interstingly enough, it is not fatal! And why pick on us wannabe-clergy and clergy? There are LOTS of groups that remain celibate! Look at Bhuddist monks! Why does the culture seen them as so wise in coosing to be unencumbered by worldly attatchment (which I think is cool BTW), and see the Christian clergy's celibacy as andiquated and disordered?

I also don't get why people or people who, for one reason or another, cannot contract a marraige (I am thinking of intesexed people), those who have no desire to yet want to live morally (I am thinking of those suffering from SSA), or those whom due to a condition would put a partner at risk by marrying them (AIDS victims for example), think that those who cannot, will not, or should not, marry are being punished for being "who they are." It's just the facts of life, sex and marraige (in reverse order) are not part of your life, sorry. (though to be kind of a pessimist, those who would make this complaint are probably more concerned with the former than the latter) It is not the end of the world, and you are not going to die from it. Everyone has to suffer somehow, we are in a fallen world, persevere in living the truth and I can assure that the companionship and love that was sacrificed will be granted, in abundance, and there will be no suffering to ever dull the joy.

The cold hard fact is, marraige is not a right. Marraige is a vocation. If you are not called to marraige, or not called to marry a given person, you might be able to jury-rig somthing, but will most likely be unsucessful.

Yes, from time to time I am tempted, and alas sometimes I fail to persevere*, but I am working very VERY hard to fix that, and given todays world that is so utterly lost and far from truth, especially in reagrds to sex, it is quite struggle enough without people questioning me and looking at me as strange. And even though I do joke about it from time to time, I am dead serious about it, and comitted to it. I joke for one of 2 reasons: The other person understands all this and so it's funny, OR I am nervous and feeling like I am being judged and I am trying to lighten the mood.

Oh and a few more exclamations: I am not asexual or sterile just because I am celibate! I am still a man! I am not psychologically disturbed! I am not sexually repressed and/or frustrated! I am not hiding homosexual tendancies! I do not think I am "better" than anyone because of my comittment! All the states of life involve a sacrifice of (physical/emotional) intimacy in one way or another (even the married vow to forsake all others), and despite the struggles I have in my state of life I AM HAPPY!!!

*(Tip, though it is rather religious: actually I have found that giving thanks to God for filling the world with such beauty or talent or wit, but that I need to appreciate it as He intended and not to abuse it, works to conquer lust much better than just saying NO! and trying to push the person from my mind)

Sweet

So I am stoked, I am officially the newest Seminarian for the Archdiocese of Seattle!
I still need to talk to Bishop Elizando and a psychologist to finalize things but that is more for the seminary college's requirement, beyond that the deal is sealed.
Also, now I have to apply to Gonzaga and Bishop White Seminary (which is at Gonzaga) and get accepted there, cuz it's no good to be a seminarian if you dont have a seminary to go to, no?
.. oh yeah, I probably should tell my dad that I am going to be a priest. I'm kind of afraid to disappoint him, and then later have him get mad at Susan's behest.

Okay so Yesterday I was talking to my friend, Suzanne, and she showed me a little bit of peeling skin on her palm and so as a joke I tell her that it is probably stigmata, she rolls her eyes and says "no what should I do about it"
Me: "pray harder"

We both started laughing. And I'm still giggling a little.

...
...

Oh us crazy papists...

Dumb quote

"just because someone immigrated illegaly, does not mean he is a crinimal"
-The Mayor of Maybery, Ca

WHAT? I have always took a criminal to be one who breaks the law. A jawalker is a criminal, albeit petty, he still is a criminal.

Juice runners

(with apologies to Suzanne, who coined the phrase)

I was walking home this evening around 10, and decided to duck into Ian's (convenience store in basement of McCarty, one of the dorms) to get some milk for tomorrow's cereal. Well, I hit the juice run: several dozen people cramming into the tiny store to buy breakfast foods, midnight snacks, stay-awake-coffee, candy, other very random foods and sundries (pencil shapener? thumb tacks?), and what have you. All the half gallon milks were gone, and there were only pints left so I grabbed a pint, stood in line for a while, and went home, but yeah, juice runners are crazy. SO CROWDED! SUCH RANDOM PURCHASES!

Lucky Number SLevin

I went and saw it with my clustermates tonight, its hot stuff. Go see it!
It's got more twists and turns than a highway through the Appalachians and its got a lot of very clever humor too.
SEE! or if not see, RENT!

new room

It's very nice...



oh yeah, and its on a quiet floor, so if they cant find a bed for me on the mountain and i have to stay another year, i may just stay here.

Reminded me of Father Mitchell

I took a tour of St James with the Newman Center last night and I saw this and I could almost hear the Reverend Father's voice, "What's with the piano!? you have a perfectly good organ right there! you have 2!"

So naturally, I sent him an email about it...

Well what do you know?

I got an email today and if it is to my liking, I will be moving to McMahon hall (on NE campus) over the weekend. It's not Hansee, but is by far one of the more nifty dorms. In fact its more nifty than Hansee really, but Hansee appeals to me because it's quiet.

Reason #3428 why UW should move me to Hansee

I'm sick, all my classes are on the NE end of campus, my dorm is on the SW end of campus, I want desparatly to be in a NE dorm, and physical weakness is just one more reason why.

Truth about morality

Morality is like a stoplight, If you don't know what it means you shouldnt be on that road, but even if you are on the road anyway and dont know its meaning you are still bound by it. It doenst matter if you dont want to stop, you have to stop lest you endanger or actually hurt yourself and others. Plus it is a red light, and stopping is the thing you do at red lights.

The top slot will always be red. They do not make green lights for use in the red light's slot, and if a green light were where red should be, there would be trouble.

Some people are allowed to run the light in special circumstances, like emergency vehicles, but there is always a greater good expected to come from running the light. Futhermore, running the light is a side-effect of having to rush to an emergency, not a reason unto itself, and every reasonable means are taken to avoid any harm in the running of the light.

as for the other lightgs, the green light indicates that you are free to proceed only so long as you are proceeding in the way you should (right of way considered, following the arrow if the light is an arrow). Your freedom is 100% uninhibited, you are COMPLETLY free to proceed. You get to pick your lane, you get to pick which way you are going to turn, how fast you will accelerate, eavrything! so long as you are doing what you are free to do. you are not free to remain stationary if your path through the intersection is safe and clear, you are not free to turn left when you have a right arrow light. you are not free to back up, etc.

And with yellow, it actually does depend on how you are situated whather you should continue on or slow down, but you should not rush the light if you arent going to make it, lest it be a redlight by the time you enter the intersection. And if you pematurely slow you will not only have missed an opportuity to exersize freedom due to your scrupulosity, you may also have denied another the chance to be free as well.

Though, the stoplights eventually change. this is where the model breaks down, where the image fails, it is not an analgous justification for lobbying for a change in what is right and wrong.

Of many things

Of spring break: It was long and relaxing, but I was sad that I was unable to contact and hang out with as many people as I wanted.

Of school:
Okay. So my roomate did not move out after all, he just took all his stuff home... for a week...
what a doof, a smelly lazy usurping doof. So, I applied for yet another room change, maybe this one will be filled! The stupid U reset the requests at the quarter end, so I had to reapply.

I started classes today. Drama 210 will be cool, intro to theatre tech and design. I also had German 102, but with that it's a bit confusing as they are using slightly different verbs than I am familar with and most of the work is online BUT there's like a CD in the book, the book itself, and like 3 different online places where I can do work but i have no idea where to actually do my Homework AND when I do an online worksheet, if i come back later, the work is one. What the heck?
Tomorrow I have European History at 930 AM, and Music at 3:30
You know, all my days start at 930. Maybe I should IMA (Gym) in the mornings to wake myself up or somthing (I gotta get up for Lauds anyway)

Of life in general:
I still gotta call that shrink and get examined so I can be declared sane enough to enter the seminary.
On that note, Just in case there are no beds available, I am just going to plan as if I am continuing at UW. So I think I may run for liturgy chair for the Newman Center council (plan liturgical stuff DUH, and also train and schedule lectors and EMHCs, though obviously the Friars would still delegate them) , and apply for a north campus dorm and the works. I mean, there is like no penalty if I don't come last minute (except I might need to note on my Newman application that if chosen, I would need a co-chair just in case)

I picked up The Daily this morning and all my convictions were renewed, my blood boiled my hackles raised, my stomach turned sour. It was a familar feeling, and it sealed the realizations that I am definatly back in Seattle.

Oh and I learned that my friend Amanda cheated death, thank God she is OK!

Complete History of Judaism and Barbie in 12 minutes

http://festival.sundance.org/2006/watch/film.aspx?which=423&category=DOC

I was so depressed...

AND THEN I MET CRAZY AVE GUY!

Melanie O, Christinabrown and I went out for some thai food on the AVE (main drag through the U District, University Way) today for dinner. we had a great time talking and joking, talking about how no one but a jew or arab should live in Juerusalem becuase there is no sense risking your life for a place that isnt liek historically dear to you, and then becuase of that commenting on how un-pc I am and how it is gunna get me shot someday, and then discussing how It's a Wonderful Life would have been subtely but noticably different if George had actually killed himself, or drowned trying to save Clarence (dont ask how this got started,
Though it involved 30 second movie reenactments by bunnies. To quote me, "Try to do THAT in 30 seconds with a rabbit!")

Anyway, on our way back we had to cross the street, so the light turns and a guy on the otherside jumps into the middle of the crosswalk, screams "okay, its safe!" and waves us across while spouting encouraging phrases such as "come on" "keep on going" "good job" "almost across" "you can do it!" and they he complimented us for making it. we thanked him and then walked away FAST laughing and laughing and laughing. Michelle, Melanie and Christinabrown's roomate, didn't come though she was repeatedly invited, and so alas she missed out big time.

That was worth the price of a meal, I swear!

But serously: I was so sad, I felt worthless, unloved. I didn't belive in myself because noone else did. But you belived in me, crazy Ave. guy! With your unquestioning compassion for you fellow man, you swept the darkness out of my world! You gave me reason to carry on! You made my life worth living again! Bless you, noble sir!
Here's to you, CrazyAve. guy!

And Now a PC Nursery Rhyme

Lizzie Borden alledgedly took an axe
And Gave Lizzie's legal guardian and/or biological progenitor 40 whacks
When Lizzie saw what Lizzie had done Lizzie Gave Lizzie's legal Guardian's suggnificant other and/or Lizzie's other biological progenitor, assuming that such a figure is presnt in Lizzie's life though there is nothing wrong with not having a second biological progenitor in one's life, 41

You just dont get it!

As many of you know I am rather calm, very calm actually. And many of you also are aware of what I do when I am not calm. Thirdly you know that I generally blow up from one of 2 causes: 1. Loooong attrition of irritation or 2. buttons pushed.

So someone decided to go for #1. We went to freshman group at Newman and it was annying cuz there was no topic, just games (i usually will play the games for fun but they like the calm of the talks too)

Anyway, so on the way back we are talking about things that irritate us about the student housing system up here. So this one girl complains about a fee she got charged (which she could have avoided by readng the move-out instructions ahead of time), and about how next year room rates will be higher to fund activities no one goes to. So I pipe in on what irritates me about my floor, that everyone is 18 going on 7, and that the RA's are incredibly annoying. (bullhorns in the hallways, insesent emails, not letting me remove myself from the mailing list, etc) so this same girl starts harping on me about how my annoyance at the immature people and the RAs was unfounded, and maybe it is, but still I was just stating that such things annoyed me and that I wish they would stop. So she keeps on harping about it and eventually I scream at her to shut up becuse at that point she was saying the same thinsg and not listening to what i was saying. her claim was I was an intolerant homophobe because I objected to the drag show, I was saying that the show wasnt the issue but that it was announced with BULLHORNS in the HALLWAY.

Yes that seems like it wasnt much but keep in mind she has had this superior attitude towards me since september and I don't know why. Its just me. She specificaly doesnt listen to me, and if she listens she makes no effort to really hear, she specifically critisizes what I say, she scoffs only at me when I give my opinion (There are other outspoken conservitaves in our walking group, and only me does she scoff at*). Reminds me of someone else I know.

*Which begs the question, if she is a "liberal catholic" why take so much time going to events at Newman which often involve discussions of what church doctrine actually is?

Irritated

SO at 830 saturday evening, I message some friends who live in my dorm and tell them that my roomate is gone and i had thuroughly cleaned the room, and I was bored, so they should come up and watch a movie with me.

They drag their feet and take forever between IM's etc. so around 1130 I tell them its too late to watch a 2 hour movie, and they say that they were watching SNL in their room! WOW that was insulting.

I get fed up and tell them that next time they dont want to do somthing with me, just tell me because I am a big boy and would understand. However to be ignored and such acomplishes nothing but making my feelings being hurt, as it sends the message that my friends don't want to spend time with me.

They call me in the middle of the night needing a favor, I'm gladly on it because they are my friends and I love them (as you may know my standard is to move heaven and earth if a friend needs somthing). They want to do somthing, I'll ususally go just to be with my friends, even if I'm not interested in the activity much (unless I already have plans, or *really* don't want to do THAT, but then I TELL THEM SO!)

grr! oh well, they probably don't mean it, just weren't thinking about the consequences of their actions.

dona mei pachem

Fast Joke

I realized walking out of daily mass a few days back that after I leave the chapel, I rush over to judaism class. Its like a theological timewarp man!

My day

Lauds
Bagel
Mass
Lit class
Bagel
Nap
Work
Vespers
Salmon fillet and Mashed Potato (first time since 3rd grade a state-run cafeteria seved fish on a abstinance day instead of the day before just to mock me)
Double Feature (RENT and Harry Potter 4)
Shower
Blog
Compline
Sleep

Oh and a bit of latin in honor of ash wednesday:
MEMENTO, HOMO, QUIA PULVIS EST ET IN PULVEREM REVERTIS
Remember, Man, that you are of dust and into dust you will go back

No go impress your friends, speak ominous latin blessings over them at cocktail parties or whatever.

While we are at it:
IN MANUS TUAS, DOMINUS DEUS, COMMENDARE SPIRITUM MEUM!
The last of the 7 last words (but thats not for another 39 days)

Spring

Well, since my papist pals asked me not to take anymore philosophy classes becuase theology wont make sense unless my philosophical training is catholic, which is an unpopular viewpoint at a secular university. Then Chem 152 wouldn't fit in my schedule. Then I checked my degreee audit and it said I had only art and writing classes left to take before I actually declare a major.
SO
Im taking 16 credits:
German 102 (5 credits, 1st year german) somehow this counts as art (but I dont know if this class will count for credit becuase I took german in hugh school, but I love german and I have to take 102 before the others, so its okay. I'm hoping I get sent somewhere that has german...)
Music 116 (2 credits, reading music) Art
History of Europe 274 (5 credits, 20th century) Writing
Drama 210 (4 credits, Intro to tech, Amy would be proud) Art

the best part is, the classes are spaced such that I never have class before 9:30am, I never have more than 2 classes a day, no one class on any two consecutive days, and on MWF I am done with class before the midday mass (TTh I have music 2-530) , and on no day does class conflict with mass, my training job, or newman center activities!

Now to talk with my papist pals and get next year figured out!

Got Blessed

Anyway, I went to the discernment dinner tonight (we have one every other month) at St Edward's in Seattle. Dinner with Father Nguyen and our Auxilary Bsp Joeseph Tyson.
Anyway, i walk up to the rectory and ring the bell and someone comes to the door, but it isn't either of the aforementioned, it's Bishop Elizando, our other auxilarry. I am in awe of Bsp Elizndo, as he essentially is oozing holiness and humility out of his ears. (plus given that there are 3 bishops in wastern Washington, it is pretty dng neat to get even 1 not to mention 2 in the same place at once).

So we talk about the promise of obedience and learn about that, Bsp tyson has a little back and forth with us, and Fr Nguyen shows up around 6 and gives his exeperience as a fairly new preiest and Bishop Elizando gives a take on it [obedience] as an ex-provincial superior and novice master (he is a Missionary of the Holy Spirit, that happens to be the name of his religious order as well) for the MSpS.

Just before we have dinner, Bishop Elizando had to leave, but as he was walking out he grapped two of us [discerners] who were standing by him, said a blessing over all of us and then blessed the two of us he had previously drug over. So now I am feeling quite blessed (literally), and really happy and grateful for having such a cool encouinter with the bishops (both of whom I really respect aside from all their pontificating anyway)

Get some flipping perspective!

So I had a Chemistry midterm this morning. I got there, sat down in my randmly-assigned testing seat (already bad, why not just tell us to only sit in every other desk) and then a TA comes up to me and says that I am in the wrong seat. Apparently they redid the seating before the test today just to trip us up.
The professor was irate and screaming at people he saw in the wrong seat. They were not being rude, he started it EVERY TIME.
we do the resonable act of putting our bags and cups and such under our desks and the test begins. The test wasnot hard by any means. though the constant TA patrols and evil glares were a bit disconcerting.
Afterward, professor psycho starts screaming again about how he will give a 0 or a class failure to anyone who was even so much as writing their name on their testbook, or that used a scantron form instead of writing their answrrs on the test directly, and he was also foaming about hoe exactly we are to pass the tests to the aisle (face down, to the outer aisle). Even though the test was done, pencils were actually in our backpacks, and TAs had the books, we were not allowed to talk until they were in bankers boxes.

Professor Callis: GET A FLIPPING CLUE! THIS IS CHEM 142, INTRO TO CHEM!!!!
This is not such a grave situation! I have had tests far more important than this stupid midterm and they were not half as strict! I know people might cheat, but again chem 142, there is not much of anything worth cheating over in that class...
The hardest thing is mathematical, and no amount of cheating will help bad math skills. Respect us, we respect you. we are not by our natures cheating little devils. Also, each TA has a total of 40 students to look after, if they are scoring inconsistent with thier skill, watch them not those who just want to take a test.

Your homework for tonight:

This was seriously my Homework assignment for CompLit 240, review Heart of Darkness, come to class tomorrow with a good undersatnding of the plot and symbolism. I laugh because HoD is so dense light bends around it. I have a good idea of what oes on byt do need to scan it to clear up some confusions. But still, that's pretty funny. Its like saying "State and prove the meaning of life in less than 250 words" (oh, and Mom, no Baltimore Chatechism answers, UW is a secular university).

Well then

Wow, what a weekend! While I would have liked to spend it with a bit of social interaction (I tried to reach a few people but did not succeed), it was fun nonetheless.
I litterally did nothing. I spent most of the time in my room, dancing, fixing my bike, cleaning up after my roomate (who thankfully was gone all weekend), reading, catching up on most of the sleep I have missed since September. In fact I think i shall bid this weekend adieu by trying to be asleep by 8.

Oh, but I was irritated with the folks at 1101 (the dorm cafeteria). The manager is this short hispanic woman who doesnt exactly speak english. So yesterday i order my dinner and a small drink, and she charges me for both and only give me my food and refuses to give me a drink. so i have to buy another one. Then tonight i wasnt very hugry and so i only ordered a side of pasta and a peice of bread (note it was a side, NO MAIN COURSE) and a cookie. Thats $2.00 for the pasta and bread, $1.00 for the cookie. she charged me for a full dinner ($6.00) and a dessert ($2.00), I was going to complain but she has a VERY long history of doing things like this and since she is the manager there is no one to complain to.

EDIT: It's now 10:15, I failed at my sleep goal. Catholic Answers reruns are addictive!

SEARCH 2006

http://students.washington.edu/braindt/Pics/Search/

Pictures of the Newman Center Retreat I went to last weekend.

I did it

I mailed my application to the diocese, I'm officially an applicant for priesthood formation.
Now to get interviewed, fill out MORE paperwork, prove I'm not crazy, and show that I can cut it.
Oh and academically get accepted at a college that teaches theology (luckily they tell you where to go).

Now THIS is funny

Okay, so there was a presentation this week that the UW was sponsoring called "porn nation" it was going to be about, well Porn in the US...
Anyway people were table-ing and pinning up avertizements and all the more left groups picked up the cause and advertized like crazy. Calling us who are less, say, enthusaistic about porn the typical batch of names.
The presentation was a switcheroo. The speaker who everyone assumed would be accentuating the "positive" apparently gave a speech about how he became a sex addict and how porn ruined his life and stuff. wasSo today the UW newspaper had a few choice words to say about deceptive advertizing, and in my lit class people were mad becuase he was "condemning porn just because HE has a problem" and giving such jewels as "just because pedophiles rape kids doesn't mean no one should be around children"
The flaw here is porn addictions are generally aquired via willing exposure and exploitation of brain chemstry. If you have a sex drive, you can get addicted and not a matter of biology or psychological damage like some other things are. Therefore to warn others not to expose themselves for fear of addiction, is more akin to saying "dont take up smoking" than "stop being crazy."

I just thought it was funny that the groups that suppirt porn as a legitimate form of "expression" got people to go to a talk that denounces porn as hazardous to one's mental health and abusive to the victim.

Two Pros and a Con

Went to the SuperBoil crab boil party today.
+ Spent time with my dad
+ Mr Stevens can cook really well and in overabundance (crab and deep fried turkey and cheeses and shrimp...)
- I HATED the party, a bunch of loud drunk people yelling at a TV. Not fun. I mean I like fun and all, even loud fun. But that was just too much and too many strangers (there were like 100 people)

Yeah...

So my dad came up for the superbowl.
So we went to Bill's (Dad's friend's restraunt) last night and had dinner around 6.
But we were there a while so Dad and Susan and the others we were chatting with friends who were with us and the regulars at Bill's.
We ended up leaving at 10, cuz of me (Bill's has a bar in it and minors can't be at restaurants that have bars after 10pm). Yeah but while they were schmoozing with their friends, I somehow got involved in a conversation with a gay 65 year old stage producer who was drunk. well drunk is an understatement. (No Mom, it's not dad's fault, it was a chance meeting. Plus Im a big boy and so I could kick him if need be) Interesting to say the least. He was saying that to suceed in life you have to have great fasion sense (Im not kidding, this was his sage and stryotypical advice) and never run because no one looks good when they run and so it negates any stylish dressing you have thereto accomplished. He also says, I have the right outlook on education (love learning), but I need to be less square and feel proud of all the oddities I see on campus (kind of self serving advice...).

Oh and the restaurant is near Seattle U so here is a joke I saw happen:
2 jesuit priests walk into a bar...
yeah there wasnt really a punchline, they kinda just hung out and had a few drinks.

dazed and confused

Yes, yet again me and my chronic rightliness created a situation where "intolernce" and humor abounded.

I was taking to a girl in literature class today. she went to Olympia yesterday to participate in the UW lobbying day (students go and... well lobby). anyway she was talking baout how they were trying to get support for an increase in student aid, keeping tuition for a public school reasonable (what an odd idea...), and a law to make textbook prices reasonable as well. then she said she started lobbying on behalf of reporductive rights (dang i love euphamisms!) for students.
I asked her very calmly exactly how that related to education and the students of UW as students of UW (that is, not 60000 rather fertile individuals in north seattle, but as our identity as students). she responded that the state had drasticly cut funding to planned parenthood and so it's no longer free but like $70 for an appointment, and so the poor and those who cant afford it dont get healthcare. I noted that while it is bad that the poor lack healthcare (not that I condone the ABC or PP part but obviously they gotta get OBGyn checks somewhere *cough*CCS*cough*) and somthing should be done about that, it is a totally separeate issue and isn't a direct personal concern to the students as an entity at UW (like books and tuition are).
Then she observed a lack of healthcare access can ihibit one's education, and not having ample reproductive freedom (have I mentoned that I LOVE euphamisms) makes it so those issues can be crippling to the education, and since half the population may have the first problem and everyone (but we silly repressive prudes) may have to deal with the other, therefore, it is indeed of vital concern for UW students to have the state subsudize PP.
I pointed out that UW has its own hospital AND if its not an emergency, there is the Hall Health clinic on campus which is über cheap for UW students, often even free so we dont actually need PP's services as UW students. I mean, each quarter we can get 1 free doctor's appointment for whatever, and if you mess your life up in the way we are now discussing twice in a quarter, I have VERY little pity for you.
Her responce (thankfully, a true and valid statement) was that Hall health isnt "full service" for reproductive health, and cannot provide "the full range of options" to a "person in need," and so it is a tacit violation of our (the students') rights to have to rely on Hall Health alone.
I replied with an "oh, why didn't you say that's what you were concerned about to begin with?" Her euphamism now useless, we started to talk literature. And yes, my label is euphamistic too, but I am quite undiplomatic about what it means, I don't (or try not to) dance the innuendo tango.

Fun at IMA

SO last night I took a load off and went to the IMA (UW's amazing super-gym/rec-center). I decided to try out archery. It was pretty fun. I was shooting wild for most of the time. I mostly had bad aim, bad form, I was pinching the end of the arrow so that it would fishtail, and the set of arrows i checked out had fletching (the feathers/fins) that was absolutly mangled (my bow was good though).
Anyway, I eventually figured out sorta how to aim, Improved my form (note: bead pulled back to jawline, not the tip of your chin works better), I stopped pinching the arrow, and by the end of the night I was at least was hitting the target in general with every shot and I even hit a few bulls-eyes, well UW archery uses Tellitubbies that are nailed to the target but still... (actually its cool we make La-La look like the painting "St Sebastian")

Sen. Salazar: Clarence Thomas an 'Abomination'

Sen. Salazar: Clarence Thomas an 'Abomination'

So what I am hearing here is, "He's the wrong kind of black person!"
And I thought the democrats took pride in pandering to anyone who is even remotely connected to a minority.

FOXNews.com - Priest May Be Tried for Saying Jesus Existed

Priest May Be Tried for Saying Jesus Existed

... I don't know what to say...

Oh am I going to pay for this...

Its 1am, this is day 5 of my bad sleep stint
i wake up at 715
i have a lot of homework due monday
i have to work saturday (finally called back to sports med! yay!)
Tomorrow is going to be fun...
Saturday will be a hoot...
Sunday wont be bad either...

oh well, no use crying over spilt milk (or lost sleep). It will all work out alright, il probably just be a little tired tomorrow, thats all. Work is at noon saturday so i'll have time to catch up on sleep.

I am so very tired

I am just exhausted!
I also need a hug.
And extra time in the day without my roomate around, but that is neither here nor there and is unrelated to me being tired.

oh and heres a dillema... (totally unrelated to being tired)
Im going to a supoerbowl party in seattle at a friend of my dad's, my dad is coming up for the party. I also have plans to have dinner with a few people. The problem is those people are the Auxillary Bishop of Seattle, a Priest who used to work in Vancouver, and a few other guys who are discerning whether or not to apply for seminary. So, how do I get to my dinner (530pm) on time while still going to the superbowl party and maintaining my father's ignorance of my interesting career choice...

We were all very tired

9pm daily mass tonight:
there were only like 10 people and Fr Kraft.
We were all very tired. (Fr's mom is very sick, im worn out by the busy persons retreat, everyone else had midterms this week)
For example this is how the gloria sounded:
Glory to God in the highets peace to his people on earth.....
....Lord Jesus Christ, only son of the father, Lord God, Lamb of God - from God, Light from Light, true god from true god, begottten not made, one in being with the Father, through him all things were made...

we continued with the creed all the way though and no one noticed until the end. then Father Kraft stood for a second, smiled embarssedly, and said "lets try that again."

Note for those who dont have the catholic mass memorized (pretty much everyone besides my mother and I):
The Gloria prayer is what we started with but halfway through (after the dash) we switched to saying another prayer called the Nicene Creed, on accident becuase the affected phrase that is vaugely similar in both prayers.

Odd logic

Okay, so an unknown group put up several thousand lawn flags on the Student Union lawn today and a large sign saying "1/3 of our generation was aborted." So I am taking pictures as empirical proof that there are indeed other sane people on the UW campus.
anyway...
these 2 guys walk by and I overhear their conversation:
"that's bull! It's not a full third! It's like 30%"
"Yeah they rounded it up, and given a generation as big as ours, that error is like a few million!"
Yeah... And somehow you fail to see their point that even a percent or 3.33333 is like a million-ish in US and several million worldwide.

Oh but it was cool, daily mass today was done as a penitential mass. That is the mass readings were the same as the daily missal BUT the priest wore his lent vestments, and presidential prayers and the eucharistic prayer was done from the "mass of repairation for sin" (moreso than it normally is...) Appparently there actually is a special concecration prayer exactly for this purpose. (reparation for grevious sins)

On a related note I am sitting in the internet cafe next to a girl talking loudly on her cell phone about her birth control and its side effects and comparing and contrasting the various methods she has tried.
Oh! Now she is complaining that if she accidentally gets pregnant that it is SO inconvenient to get and abortion and it's like $300. and "It would totally be awkward between me and him [her boyfriend] afterward..."
other quotes:
"karate chop me in the stomach, problem solved! HA HA"
"You could make a career out of it"
"You could so it like a Geiko commercial! I just saved a whole ton of money..."

That's it! IM FED UP!
This girl gets a personal referrence in my Vespers tonight!

Have I mentioned how incredibly angry the culture of death makes me?!

I know you don't all agree with me...
STFU and Peace!